Since the death of my daughter, Allie, from the flu three years ago, I’ve been trying to make sense of the whole issue of grief and loss.
By working hard to understand and learn from the grief experience I have come to see that when we are in a relationship with someone else, it’s not just a physical relationship. Of course the physical aspect is important, as that is often the beginning of our feelings for the individual. We may find them physically beautiful or handsome. We may love looking into their eyes. We may enjoy their touch. But relationships have other dimensions as well.
We have an emotional connection to those we love. These emotional ties begin even before birth in the case of expectant parents. Without ever seeing their child for the nine months of gestation, the parents can become completely emotionally attached as they await its birth. Parents who miscarry or whose child is stillborn will grieve as deeply as any others even though they may never had actually held their child or had much of a physical relationship to it.
And we also have a spiritual connection to our loved ones. Depending on your spiritual belief system you may believe that you and your loved one were together before you entered this world. Some believe that spirits pick the family into which they will be born. Others hold that we know each other through many lifetimes and different incarnations. Whatever your belief system, have you ever felt so connected to another person that you felt you were soul mates? Did you ever meet someone for the first time and just instantly feel like you have known each other forever? Those are spiritual connections.
When a loved one dies, what is lost is the physical aspect of our relationship. We no longer get to see them, talk with them, hold them, or hear their voice. We tell ourselves that it’s over. We have lost everything. But that’s not true. We still are connected emotionally and spiritually. No matter what happens, we still have their loving spirit around us. We never have to lose those two connections.
But that’s just my opinion, what’s yours?